Often times emotions seem to arise out of the blue for no negligible reason. That is, whatever was said or done seems too small to even acknowledge it bothered us. But the truth is it did. We spend most of our days compartmentalizing those little emotional disturbances and covering them over with other emotional offenses. This is called repressing our emotions. In the work-a-day world this may be needed, but if it drives you to emotional eating it is time to take a break and try something different.
Perhaps you cannot even put your finger on what is causing you to feel distress, but it is there. One thing you know that will help in the moment is to grab a snack. I am not talking veggies here I am talking comfort foods. The chips that you hid the other day behind that canister of coffee is calling your name, or that small bowl of ice cream, that suddenly went from your original thought of one scoop all the way up to three. Even that jar of nuts looks appetizing. No, you do not just want a small handful, just bring the jar, and "you won't eat that much," you tell yourself. Later on, you look around, the ice cream never had a chance to melt before you ate it, the nuts the jar held are at least halfway gone and you wonder how you could have eaten so much. You tell yourself, that at least you have been productive. Sound familiar?
Sometimes we just brush our emotions off and try not to think about them, and vent to someone else later, while still eating something more. You may wonder why lately you have been feeling depressed, unmotivated, or even downright sad more often than not. Moreover, your clothes are not fitting so well. Did they shrink? Then one day you decide to take charge of the way you have been feeling and start by taking a look at your weight. The 10-pounds you knew about, has turned into 20-pounds and nearing the 30-pound mark. You wonder how you could have gained so much weight over the past year.
You know this is probably not the best idea, but you resolve to lose it the fastest way possible, and then, "you will start eating and living right," you tell yourself. The problem is that this fast way is not sustainable and before you know it you have regained that weight and some more. Once again you feel defeated, sad and worst of all fat. This is not even the person you know staring back at you in the mirror.
Well, she is the one who never was allowed to a take a few moments out of her day to just stop sucking up the pains of life, avoiding the experience of pain such as those thoughts about the little disrespects' she gets at work and possibly also at home. She never knew that her pain and hurt feelings and low self-esteem issues all sprang forth from a life of experiential avoidance. She never really understood or gave herself time to realize that her emotions were all piling up waiting for her to stop pressing them down and start acknowledging them one by one.
That was me, and perhaps that is you. To acknowledge an emotion is to voice how that felt, why it happened, and perhaps what the lack of understanding from the other person caused you to suffer. Journaling all this can get it out of you and onto paper or screen. I hear so often from my client's that they just do not have the time to put-in on themselves in this way.
What if you were to make an appointment with yourself daily to stop and consider what has been the driving force behind all that stress and emotional eating? Could you possibly set a timer for 20 minutes, and dig down into the pain, feel it, write about it, and let the race of life race on by you for those moments? Maybe you could start small and take a minute at a time to simply jot down What happened and why that hurt? Maybe later, that same day at your appointment with yourself, you could drill down a little more and answer all five of the following questions.
What happened?
Why did it happen?
Was any of it my fault?
What (if anything) could I have done differently to help with the problem?
How might I show myself compassion for any errors I may have made, or for any unkindness's someone else decided to unload on me?
If after you have done this exercise the feeling of fulfillment still evades you, then go back and read over what you have written, and dig a little more, because there is something that has been left unsaid. Then again, notice, that acknowledgement has found its fulfillment.
In my next blog, we will talk about replacing old core beliefs with better core beliefs.
Kindly Charlotte
Comments